When serving, balance matters. When asked to volunteer, you weigh and balance the time and effort involved against the time and effort you’re already giving at home, at work, and elsewhere. You also might balance your short-term serving against ongoing serving; your informal serving, such as within your family, against serving in an organization. There’s no right or wrong; everyone’s balance will be different.

But when impact is important, when ‘making a difference’ is our goal, we will be especially intentional about balance between relational and non-relational serving.

Relational Serving

Relational serving has a much greater impact than non-relational serving.

Relational serving is when you help in a way that can create a relationship, such as coaching a youth sports team, tutoring a 5th grader for a year, or regularly visiting an elderly person who is lonely. Non-relational serving is when you help in a way that is not prone to creating a relationship, such as donating toys to an organization that does the distribution,  or serving dinner at a shelter on Thanksgiving afternoon, or donating money to a cause. All of these, relational and non-relational, are good and worthy activities. 

But most of us serve because we want to do something about the needs we see. We want to have a positive impact. Relational serving has a much greater impact than non-relational serving.

Relational Serving Matters

After a fire or flood, donating food, supplies, and money is exactly what people need–a temporary helping hand to get them back on their feet. But the majority of the needs around us are different. People who are homeless, stuck in generational poverty, addicted, or socially isolated need a helping hand, yes. But they need more than that. They need relationships.

What they really need is a friend

When I asked a person in our municipal offices about community needs, she told me, “When people need job training or help paying their utility bill or temporary housing, I have places to refer them to. What I don’t have, and what they really need, is a friend to walk with them on the journey.”   

You’re already doing relational serving. What you do for your parents or spouse or children, when you help friends in need, that’s relational serving. You’ve likely benefitted by someone giving you a helping hand when you were in need. Most of us are blessed by relationships of love and support.

But many others are not so blessed. Loneliness and isolation have grown in the US, to the point of being called an epidemic. Nearly 30% of U.S households are one-person households. While technology gives us more virtual connections, face to face connections are fewer. As loneliness increases, we’ve seen how it contributes to problems like addiction, depression, anxiety, and even issues like dementia and cardiovascular disease. Many of the people who need financial or material or medical help need something else even more–they need relationships they can count on.

But relational serving is not for the faint of heart.

Relational Serving Takes Time

“We had to rake a LOT of leaves . . .”

A speaker once talked about how his church decided to serve a nearby public school. They raked leaves and helped improve the facility, and helped out in classrooms. At one point, when school leaders had to make some difficult decisions about curriculum on controversial topics, they invited the pastor to have a seat at the table for those discussions. But, he said, “We had to rake a LOT of leaves before that happened.” Only after lengthy serving was there a relationship of trust and respect.

There’s rarely instant success in relational serving. Trust takes time. We want to fix things overnight, but that’s not how people change.  

Relational Serving is Messy

I volunteer as a friend to single moms through Safe Families for Children. These moms are going through difficult times; some are in danger of losing their children to foster care. But they care about their children and are trying to better their circumstances. At first it surprised me how often a mom didn’t respond to my text, or shifted plans in the middle of things, or ran late– very late! Safe Families training helped me understand how lifelong poverty creates a different culture than what I’m used to. I realize now that part of the challenge is simply how different their experiences are from mine. 

People are messy

But the other part of the challenge is simply that they’re people. In one way or another, all of us are messy–a bundle of values, choices, quirks, and sins that affect our relationships. Relational serving is messy because people are messy.

If you’re never feeling discouraged, puzzled, frustrated or angry, you’re probably not serving relationally.

Relational Serving Requires Discernment

Discernment is needed in how much relational serving we take on, being realistic about the cost in time and energy.

Discernment in how much we invest in individual relationships. Everyone who is serving relationally needs someone they can go to support, someone who can help them discern best next steps and whether a relationship is serving its purpose. Safe Families for Children volunteers and parents are supported by ‘coaches’ who are there to help when discernment is needed. 

Discernment is needed regarding results. Relational serving is valuable even when we don’t see the results we hoped for. In fact, we often don’t see the full impact of our investment in relational serving. But there may be positive impact that doesn’t bear fruit until later.

The Ultimate in Relational Serving: Jesus

Those who follow Jesus have even more reason to choose relational serving. Relational serving is the center of God’s story. God desires relationships with the people He created. In Jesus, He chose to become fully human to make a relationship possible, to bridge the gulf between God and us. That relationship motivates our every relationship with others. And every relationship with others is an opportunity to listen to their story and to share our story and God’s story.

For the sake of those in need, may we all grow in relational serving.

What’s your next step? Consider these possibilities:

• Check your balance. Do you have room to add relational serving? Or do you need to reduce the amount of relational serving so you can manage it better?
• Who can you encourage (individuals? church-wide?) in the importance of their relational serving.
• In your relational serving, look for opportunities to listen to people’s stories. Does it open doors to share how God’s story impacts your story?

Let’s encourage each other:

• Where have you experienced relational serving?
• What have those experiences taught you about relational serving?

Share your thoughts in the comments below or contact me.